Some Physics Jokes *

I am going to start making my extra propellor soon for my airplane and
had to begin the process by writing some jokes.

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Orvil was talking to Wilbur and asked:
"the left propellor turns the same way, why?"

Wilbur answered: "the right one goes right hand rule,
and the left the same, right?"
********

A propellor was trying to turn the engine to start it, and the
engine was heard to announce:
"The hand on the prop needs to make more noise."

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A bird was sitting on the propellor and the prop was heard
to say:

"The other blade is for birds. And yours is for ground hogs."

*********

A dog was trying to look up at the propellor and had a hard time
with the angle, so he asked:

"Can you turn the blade over a little slower."

*********

A physicist was trying to use his hands to do the physics
of the propellor, and kept slipping.

*********

An airline stewardess was asked: "They hurt going slow like
that, don't they." She was fine.

*********

A mechanic was overhauling the hunk of aluminum and asked:
"Is this a crack or just paint."

*********

An onlooker was heard to say:
"They would even laugh at mojave."

*********

The last is my twin propellor idea. I hope to fast
track it to flight status. I have the wood ultralight prop
to hang on the front of the heavy aluminum blade.

Just a passive counterrotating extra set of blades to increase
efficiency.

The test for success will be a gps track and a video
of me trying to do a soft field takeoff. The point of first
wheel leaving the ground is absolute power. So as long
as I do not cheat on the controls and do the same takeoff
each time the video will test this concept!!!!

The location and time is secret so the FAA does not appear.

I hope your airplane flies better than your humor!

I took my Ford Photon to Heisenberg's Quality Quantum Mechanics.
They told me I could pick it up on Tuesday at 3:07:48 pm, but they
weren't sure where.

A small community in Wisconsin was feeling financially pinched by rising fuel costs and feed costs and wanted to increase the output of their dairy herds. So they went to the smartest guy they knew, the physicist at the local community college, and asked him for help.

He agreed to think about the problem, and they should come back in 2 weeks.

After 2 weeks had passed, they headed to the college and found the physicist.

"Have you had any luck with getting our cows to produce more milk"?

"Why, yes I have", answered the physicist.

"Wonderful" they exclaimed. "Let's hear your idea".

"OK", replied the physicist. "Assume a spherical cow in a vacuum" .....

rubbish get better jokes

A physicist and a mathematician are at a conference about Flyntch 9 dimentionnal spaces.

The physicist asks the mathematician, "Do you understand any of this??"

The mathematician replies, "Its easy, you just got to visualize it"

The physicist asks, "How can you possibly visualize something in 9 dimentions??"

The mathematician replies, "First I visualize it in n dimentionnal space and then, I let 9 go to n."

I thought of a pun today, not quite got it to perfection, and it's pretty lame and unoriginal. But something to the effect of: why are string theorists so intelligent? They have lots of branes!

Ho, ho.

Douglas Eagleson

Great thread for some relaxation.
Thanks.


Q: sir you are from china?
A: no

Q; sir you are Chinese citizen?
A: no

Q: sir finally you are not from china?
A: no, you understand meaning “no”.

Q: sir now good bye, but absolutely you are not from china?
A: no, no, no!

A: oh my research is over I finish my submission with subject you not look like Chinese, (may be Chinese) thanks.

These are more math jokes than anything else, but funny none the less I think

What do a mathematician and a small pepperoni pizza have in common?

Neither can feed a family of 4!

A biologist, a physicist, and mathematician were sitting on a park bench outside a building and they saw two people walk inside. An hour later 3 people come back out.

The biologist exclaims "reproduction!"

The physicist blows this off and says "that can be neglected with experimental error"

And the mathematician says "if exactly one person goes inside the building there will be zero people in the building"


Hope you like those two......if they go over fairly well I will post some other jokes

An engineer goes in a motel. In the middle of the night, he wakes up and realize the curtain is on fire. He looks around and sees a flask of water in the corner. He picks it up and drops the water on the curtain, neutralizing the fire but creating a mess.

The next day, a physicist goes in the same motel. In the middle of the night, the physicist wakes up and realizes the curtain are on fire. The physicist looks around and sees a flask of water in the corner. He takes out a piece of paper and a pencil and start calculating what is the minimal amount of water he needs to extinguish the fire. He drops that amount on the fire, extinguishing the flames.

The next day, a mathematician goes in the same motel. In the middle of the night, the mathematician wakes up and realizes the curtain are on fire. The mathematician panics and looks around. The mathematician sees a flask of water in the corner. He then says : "Thank god, a solution exits!". He then goes back to bed.

I have to say the last two posters' jokes were incredibly funny. I will neglect the others as experimental error.

Three statisticians go duck hunting. Suddenly, a duck flies up out of the reeds and the first statistician jumps up, takes aim, and shoots, his shot sailing a foot over the duck.

The second statistician jumps up, takes aim, and shoots, his shot sailing a foot below the duck.

The third statistician jumps up and yells "We got him!".

Guest, I hate you lol. You stole my joke, that was the next one I planned on posting.....but I have to other decent jokes (at least I think they are decent)

An engineer and a physicist are flying in a hot air balloon (how they could hang out together I just can't figure....guess not everything in a joke has to make sense right?) and it gets really foggy. They get lost and can't figure out which direction to , where they are, or anything. So the engineer yells out in frustration "WHERE ARE WE????". A few moments later he hears back "YOUR IN A HOT AIR BALLOON".
The physicist says "geez, that must have been a mathematician."
Astonished the engineer says "How can you tell?"
"Because" says the physicist, "What he told is is absolutely true, and utterly useless"



A farmer is trying to make a fence. He can only afford a certain length of fence, and he doesn't know what dimensions to make his field. He gets a mathematician to help him. After a few days the mathematician solves the problem and he tells the farmer that not only did he make the biggest field possible, he used way less of the fence than the farmer could afford. The farmer is shocked and can't wait to see his new field, so him and the mathematican walk out to the middle. The mathematician takes a few meters of fence, wraps it around him, points to he other side of the fence and says "I define this to be inside the fence"

Heisenberg is driving home from a long day at work, his mind still mulling over some problems, when he is pulled over by a state trooper.

"Do you know how fast you were going?", asked the trooper.

"No", replied Heisenberg, "but I know exactly where I am!".

very good jokes, guys. keep them coming.