Emotional eavesdropping research..., Full story at http://www.physorg.com/news94143600.html

http://www.physorg.com/news94143600.html

"There are lots of studies of how the emotions parents directly communicate to their infants have an impact on their behavior. No one before considered if infants can take in emotional information when directed toward someone else and apply it to themselves," said Repacholi. "By observing and analyzing other people"s emotional behavior, infants are able to quickly learn some important lessons. It is not only an extremely efficient way of looking at the world but is also highly adaptive. Infants can use emotional eavesdropping to avoid some of the negative consequences that might arise were they to perform an action themselves. It is also a pretty adaptive way of interpreting what is important and what they can get away with." (article)


I am trying to decipher why my daughter acts out more selfishly (is more demanding and hyperactive, etc.) when she is in the presence of both her father and myself.
I am hoping to come up with a workable solution to the potential future problems related to her behaving in this manner. She is quite the bully at times, (with both of us) when we are together.

Any suggesstions as to why children do this and possible advice will be very much appreciated.

He and I get along fairly well as friends. There is always tension when it comes to parking lots though.... The man just can't drive well, nor is he ever inclined to take a simple first offering in any parking situation! He likes to look for better spots I suppose, round and round... which makes me just ridiculously angry with him for a minute when he parks the car. I get over it in a flash though.


This post has been edited by tikay on Mar 27 2007, 12:42 AM

I believe the most likely cause is because she can get away with it. The thing is, when theres only one of you there is a clear delineation of responsibilities but when you are together neither of you wants to deal with it.
Also if her fathers decides to take away TV or something and you argue with him, that also creates problems. I would recommended arguing (preferably quiet discussion) later (when she is away, not just quietly, children have good ears even if it doesn't seem that way) Just send her a clear, unambiguous message that her behavior is wrong.

Or you could mutter darkly about the current prices for children on the black market, whatever works.

Thanks! It seems that I am placed in position as bad cop when he is around....now that you mention it I have been asking him to just support me when I disipline her around him. On the recent trip to Disneyland she climbed to a high position on a rock and jumped off....I grabbed her at the ground and said she would have to be careful and because he was there all hell broke lose in her. A tantrum was avoided (in front of grandparents) only when I set her down and just removed myself from the area so she would not continue her tirade.
She continued to do her defiant thing but I pretended to not care and it stopped in a few minutes, luckily she was not hurt, and the day moved forward.

She may feel his lenience? She may be testing the limits within the boundry of two people but they (our boundries) are so different that, it makes this impossible!

I have considered joint custody, and spoken it aloud, but she has yet to learn legalese speak!