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> Some Physics Jokes *
555Joshua
Posted: Oct 17 2005, 10:47 AM


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I only laughed at two or three of your fine jokes.

I have one, but it has nothing to do with physics, well, it sort of does.

A Mexican, an Italian and a Pollock are construction workers. They work on the top floor of an unfinished building. At luck time they all pull out their lunch boxes to eat.

The Mexican pulls out tacos from his luch box and exclaims "Tacos?! I hate tacos! It's the same thing every day! If I get tacos one more time I'll jump off this building""

The Italian: "Pasta?! I hate pasta! It's the same thing every day! If I get pasta one more time I'll jump off this building!"

The Pollock: "Balogna?! I hate balogna! It's the same thing every day! If I get balogna one more time I'll jump off this building!"

The next day:
The Mexican, at lunch, pull out his meal, and it's tacos. So he goes over to the edge of the building and jumps off.

The Italian: the same.

The Pollock: the same.

At the funeral, whatever you want to call it, this guy goes over to the wife of the Mexican. She's all upset and says if she only knew he didn't like tacos, she surely wouldn't have packed them.

He goes to the Italian. She's all upset, and says if she only knew he hated pasta, then she surely wouldn't have given it to him.

He goes over to the wife of the Pollock. She's as happy as ever. He says "What the hell's amatter with you? Your husbin just died and you don't give a damn?"

She says "Oh, I wish he hadn't killed himself, but he packed his own lunch."


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lCine7ic
Posted: Oct 17 2005, 11:23 AM


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A simple joke--not necessarily physics based but whatever.
--
There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that understand binary, and those that don't.
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Guest
  Posted: Oct 17 2005, 01:45 PM


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the pollock's motion (and massive corporal deformation!) can be perfectly described by dynamics. so technically, its physics based, but the punch line isnt.
i'll argue anything (its fun)
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Guest_Longlivelinky
Posted: Oct 23 2005, 09:43 PM


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Neutron walks into a bar and orders a pint
he asks the bartender how much it will be

the bartender replies

"for you:no charge"

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Guest
Posted: Oct 24 2005, 01:25 AM


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[I like it! hahahahaha....]
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Guest
Posted: Oct 24 2005, 10:14 AM


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An atom is walking down the street and bumps into another atom.

"Oh no", exclaims the first atom. "I've lost an electron."
"Are you sure?" asks the other atom.
"I'm positive!"
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Kaeroll
Posted: Oct 24 2005, 12:02 PM


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QUOTE (Guest @ Oct 24 2005, 10:14 AM)
An atom is walking down the street and bumps into another atom.

"Oh no", exclaims the first atom. "I've lost an electron."
"Are you sure?" asks the other atom.
"I'm positive!"

Beat me to it sad.gif


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"At least two thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity, idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political idols."
- Aldous Huxley

"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge: it is those who know little, not those who know much, who so positively assert that this or that problem will never be solved by science."
- Charles Darwin
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lCine7ic
Posted: Oct 24 2005, 12:15 PM


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This is not mine, but I found it inappropriately funny.


QUOTE
http://physics.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsit...ijokes%2F2.html

The instructor was demonstrating the wonders of static electricity to his
class at MIT. While holding a plastic rod in one hand and a wool cloth in
the other, he told the class, "You can see that I get a large charge from
rubbing my rod..."

That was pretty much the end of learning for that day.
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"THEY"
Posted: Oct 24 2005, 04:41 PM


physorg is a sani-can!
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I posted this on another thread recently too, so if you have all seen it twice, sorry! This one has been around for many years, but still cute.

SCIENTISTS DISCOVER NEW ELEMENT
>
>
> Associated Press September 01, 2005
>
> A major research institution has just announced the
> discovery of the heaviest element yet known to
> science. The new element has been named
> "Governmentium".
>
> Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons,
> 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons,
> giving it an atomic mass of 311.
>
> These 311 particles are held together by forces called
> morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of
> lepton-like particles called peons.
>
> Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.
>
> However, it can be detected, as it impedes every
> reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute
> amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take
> over 4 days to complete, when it would normally take
> less than a second.
>
> Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it
> does not decay, but, instead undergoes a
> reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
> neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
>
> In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase
> over time, since each reorganization will cause more
> morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
>
> This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some
> scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed
> whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
> concentration.
>
> This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical
> Morass". When catalyzed with money Governmentium
> becomes Administratium, an element which radiates just
> as much energy, since it has 1/2 as many peons but
> twice as many morons.


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HEY! I HIT 1000 AND DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE! NEW PROUD MEMBER OF THE "NOW I CAN MAKE MY OWN TITLE" GROUP.

I never thought I would see wisdom in graffiti on a train. But this morning I passed a train that had the graffiti "LEARN TRUTH". I found it very profound, yet ironic...

"None are so empty as those who are full of themselves."
- Andrew Jackson

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." - Ancient Proverb Also could be said as, "You can lead a human to knowledge, but you can't make him think." - THEY
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Chuck
Posted: Oct 24 2005, 08:41 PM


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Why did Werner Heisenberg hate driving cars?
Because he got lost everytime he looked at the speedometer!
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Guest
Posted: Oct 24 2005, 09:08 PM


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[SIZE=1]another good one! hahahaha[SIZE=1]
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biege
Posted: May 16 2011, 03:33 PM


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ground effect
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Confused1
Posted: Dec 2 2011, 11:52 PM


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What with Christmas just around the corner, I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some rather nice claret.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home.



I arrived back safely and without incident which was a real surprise since I had never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one.


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Harry Ballsonya
Posted: Dec 3 2011, 01:51 AM


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QUOTE (Confused1 @ Dec 2 2011, 11:52 PM)
What with Christmas just around the corner, I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some rather nice claret.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home.



I arrived back safely and without incident which was a real surprise since I had never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one.

Good one! laugh.gif
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boit
Posted: Dec 4 2011, 05:55 PM


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QUOTE (Harry Ballsonya @ Dec 3 2011, 04:51 AM)
Good one! laugh.gif

Seconded. L biggrin.gif L


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Boit was last taught physics in class way back in 1994. Whatever he's learnt thereafter is purely by personal effort through this forum and searching the net. He is not an authority in any matter science. Unless with clear referrence, what he puts forward is his own understanding of what he has read and may not always be correct. Peace.
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